50 Funny Filipino Jokes & Puns For Hearty Pinoy Laughs (2024)

Filipino jokes are a vibrant blend of humor and culture, often revolving around the unique quirks and idiosyncrasies of Filipino life. They run the gamut from language puns, playfully poking fun at the intricacies of Tagalog and English interactions, to light-hearted observations of local customs, food, and everyday experiences.

While many of these puns can seem nonsensical or lost in translation to those unfamiliar with the culture, they resonate deeply with Filipinos, evoking a sense of shared understanding and communal laughter. However, as with any cultural humor, it’s essential to appreciate these jokes responsibly, maintaining respect for the cultural context from which they originate.

Best Filipino Jokes

What do you call a Filipino contortionist?
A manila folder.

What if someone from Holland married a Filipino?
Their kids be hollapinos.

How do you get a watermelon pregnant?
You pakwan.

What do you call two Filipino pilots?
A pair of pliers.

There is one Filipino and one foreigner inside an elevator.
The elevator opened and another Filipino came in and asked, “Bababa ba?”(Is it going down?) The other Filipino replied, “Bababa”(It’s going down).
The foreigner got so confused and asked both of them, “Are you guys speaking in a real language?”

What’s the funniest Pinoy joke?
Philippines Election.

What did one Filipino statue say to the other?
“Is statue?”

What did the bangus say to the other in the frying pan?
“Help, I’m daing!”

What do you call a hot Filipino?
A Filipiño (because of jalapeño).

Friend: I am on my way to a Filipino lesson!
The other friend: Hey, I’ve been wanting to learn a new language, can I tagalog?

Recommended: Tagalog Jokes

How would you know if someone else is a Filipino?
They would tell you.

What do you call someone who is half Filipino and half Greek?
A freek.

Why don’t we ever see a Jeepney in a race?
Because it always stops for passengers.

A Filipino, a Chinese man, and a Japanese guy are in a bar having a drink.
When a gorgeous woman comes up to them and says, “Whoever can use the words ‘liver’ and ‘cheese’ in a creative sentence can have me for tonight.”
So the Chinese guy says, “I love liver and cheese.” She says, “That’s not good enough.” The Japanese man says, “I hate liver and cheese.” She says, “That’s not creative.”
Finally, the Filipino says, “Liver alone, cheese mine!”

A 13-year-old girl walks into a bar.
Gets a job.

What does the ‘P.S.’ at the end of a letter written by a Filipino stands for?
Porgot Something.

How do we know that the Philippines is a noisy place?
Even the fish, Tilapia, can’t stop “talking.”

Three Filipino bears drive their car into a lake.
Which one didn’t get wet? The dry-bear.
Which one didn’t die? The surbibear.
Which one fixed the car? McGuybear.

What sound does a Filipino horse make when it gallops?

A Japanese, a Russian, a Filipino, and an American went to test the magic swimming pool that turns the waters into any substance of your choice if you shout it out loud enough before jumping in.
The Japanese threw his wooden sandals aside and ran towards the pool shouting “Sakeeee!!” He landed happily in 5 feet of Japanese rice wine. The Russian threw his AK-47 aside and ran to the pool screaming “Vodkaaaa!” as he lept in the air. He happily swam and drank the purest Russian Vodka after. The Filipino threw aside the banana he was eating and shouted “Lambanoggg!” as he somersaulted into the pool, landing in 5 feet of the best coconut wine. The American threw his iPhone aside and ran towards the pool but slipped on the banana peel before flailing into the pool screaming, “sh*ttttt!”

Why didn’t the Filipino banana go to work today?
He wasn’t peeling well.

Filipino Word of the Day: Chicken Nut Bread
Juan: My girlpren hab asthma so sometimes chicken nut bread.

Two idiots were boasting to each other.
“Back in my hometown, we were so poor that we ate the lizards crawling on our walls,” says Manny.
“Oh yeah? In my hometown, we ate literal sh*t just to survive.” Jinkee said.
Manny then proceeds to take a sh*t on his hand. “Alright then. Eat this.”
Jinkee says, “Why? We’re not in my hometown.”

Why are Filipino people so clingy?
Because they always Tagalog.

What do Filipino post offices always have?
Manila envelopes.

What is the difference between Filipinos and Mexicans?
Nothing, Filipinos are just Mexicans of Asia.

Recommended: Mexican Jokes

A Filipino dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes first to the German hell and asks “What do they do here?” He is told, “First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day.”
The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.
Then he comes to the Filipino hell and finds that there is a very long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed he asks, “What do they do here?” He is told, “First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Filipino devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day.”
“But that is exactly the same as all the other hells so why are there so many people waiting to get in?”
“Because there is always a brownout, so the electric chair does not work. Somebody stole all the nails to sell them by the kilo. And the devil used to be a public official, so he comes in, punches his time card, shakes hands with all the people waiting there, and then goes back home…”

What’s the favorite pastime of Filipinos?
Malling and gossip.

What kind of jokes do Filipinos make?
Punny ones.

What do Filipino basketball players say who complain a lot?
Nothing but bakit.

A French, a Japanese, and a Filipino were captured by tribesmen.
The chieftain says to them, “Go into the forest and pick any fruit you like.”
Fearing their lives, they all went to the forest and got the first fruit they saw.
The French guy came back first carrying three apples.
The chieftain says to the French guy, “If you can fit all those three apples up your ass with a straight face, you’re free to leave.”
Up goes one apple but he taps out on the second so he is killed by the tribesmen.
Then the Filipino came back with some grapes.
The chieftain says to the French guy, “If you can fit all those grapes up your ass with a straight face, you’re free to leave.”
Up goes one grape, then the second then the third but he suddenly laughs so the tribesmen killed him.
In heaven the French guy asked the Filipino why he died because the grapes were easy.
The Filipino replied, “I know but I laughed so hard when I saw the Japanese guy carrying a jackfruit.”

What do you call a Filipina teacher abroad?

Do you know that there’s a Philippines terrorist group called the Moro Islamic Liberation Front?
That makes Filipino counter-terrorists MILF hunters.

Recommended: Asian Jokes

Why do the Philippines only have one Olympic gold medal in their history so far?
Cause there is no Olympic competition for karaoke.

John and Peter were riding a flight on Philippine Airlines and everything was going smoothly, But suddenly, something went wrong with the engine and Sirens were blaring in the co*ckpit. The pilot issued a PSA to the cabin saying, “Dear passengers, this is your captain speaking, unfortunately, we have lost one engine, but do not worry, I will ensure your safety.”

What is the most common type of wine in the Philippines?
Filipinot Noir.

What do you call a girl born in the capital of the Philippines in the 1980s and the late 1990s?
A Femanilalinneal.

The plane lands on water, and the captain calmly says, “Hello passengers, we have successfully landed on the water, I hope all of you are fine! Now, all of the people who can swim, please go to the right side of the plane. The people who can’t, please go to the left.”
Peter said to John, “Pare, this is what I love about Philippine Airlines. They always have backup plans for every situation!”
John replied, “Yeah, pare, I agree, the crew is well-trained in these situations!”
After everyone was arranged according to their swimming abilities, the captain spoke, “Everyone who can are on the right side of the plane, please evacuate the plane immediately and carefully. And to those on the left side of the plane…”
“Thank you for flying Philippine Airlines.”

What is a Filipino person’s favorite girl scout cookie?

Did you hear about the man who was going to swim from the US to the Philippines?
Until he realized that over there the ocean was just tubig.

One day a Russian, a Chinese, and a Filipino are on a boat.
The Russian takes out a gun and throws it off the boat.
The Chinese ask, “Why did you throw that?”
The Russian replies, “Don’t worry we have many of those in motherland.”
The Chinese then proceed to throw a cell phone overboard.
The Russian asks “Why did you throw that?”
The Chinese replies, “It’s fine, we have a lot of those in China.”
The Filipino then picks up the Chinese and throws him overboard.
The Russian screams, “Why the hell did you do that?!”
The Filipino says, “It’s OK we have a lot of those in the Philippines.”

Why do Filipino children always follow you around?
Because they’re taught to Tagalong.

What ball can swim?
It’s Fishball.

An Asian woman on a plane sees her male Asian seatmate reading a book on Asian stereotypes.
A little offended, yet equally curious, she asks her seatmate “What does the book say?”
Her seatmate says, “According to this book, Filipino women are beautiful, Japanese women are smart, and Vietnamese women are faithful.”
Taken aback by the slightly chauvinistic and stereotypical nature of the book’s assertions, the woman asks, “Are these based on facts?”
Her seatmate says, “Not exactly, but these haven’t been disproved either.” He then turns to the woman and asks, “What’s your name, by any chance?”
The woman thinks for a bit, and says, “Maria Nguyen-Suzuki.”

Where do you lose your Filipino friends?
In a typhoon.

What happened to the fisherman fishing in the Philippines after a hard-earned catch of fish?
Arrested for illegally fishing in Chinese territory.

What’s the common ground between rabbits and very poor families in the Philippines?
They sure produce a lot of offspring.

It’s time for you to weave humor with culture and come up with your own Filipino jokes. This is a great opportunity to celebrate the vibrant Filipino culture and have a laugh while doing so. Let’s see how well you can capture the Pinoy spirit in your humor, so bring on those jokes!

50 Funny Filipino Jokes & Puns For Hearty Pinoy Laughs (2024)
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